hm.

Busy Busy Busy Busy forever.  Solution - write a musical and put it on.

I got shittiest girlfriend award this week - ugh.  Maybe if I could just really marry Alex we could be perfectly permanently grumpy forever and ever and have bad sex lives.  Bad idea.  Until then i get to be sorry, feel bad, work harder and buy a lot of chinese food.

My brain keeps wandering into danger zone danger jamie robinson and it's hard to shake it.  Shake it!  I've got that urge for going, call of the wild, need for speed and that just magnifies all the awfull shit that's going on and stomping on my awesome apartment, great job, video games, writing, movies, cuddling.  I just want to staple my feet to the carpet until I settle down and Focus but then I dive into old sticky dirty glue.  Actually like old cum crusted and grinded into a sorta mushroom rue with like squirrel turds is like way grosser. lol....

I want a GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING COMPUTER and the entire world is against me getting my GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING COMPUTER the only 50% practicle 50% toy/fun thing I've ever really wanted - ya know besides threadless t-shirts and all those chicken patties on sale at the co-op. Ok... fine... I know, I know, the kids are all right and balsa wood airplanes fly until they break and you don't have to tell me I'm ok.  ok! 

I want to be good. a good girlfriend a good aunt a good student a good friend, a good unfriend, a good daughter a good filmmaker and good! But it's so god. damn. moooother fu...cking hard.....................

Holy shit!  I forgot to tell you!  I am a Pirate Bat.  Willow, my neice, to be more clear naturally, told me so one day.

OH oh oh oh oh!  I've been getting my ultimate game fix lately and it feels so good and satisfying to play so many cards and video games and like everything else.  It like scatches that part in your body your dildo can't reach.